At the closing of tonight
I’ll sit painstakingly reminiscing.
Reminisce over saying goodbye
then dance alone again.
My home with those many walls
keeping me still, smelling the strong aroma
my favorite dish, beef stew marinating
as the lady laboring over the stovetop cares for
making it all the better, this has been removed for
just a room filled with bitter cold things.
Reminiscing over the place that once was
still measuring the range of her laughter, and the saddness
that is like milestones, as they carted me away to the institution.
Reminisce over the fear and devastation, I found staring back at me
in those brown pools of continuous wonderings, should I even be taking this on?
Reminisce over the appearance of truth
and the presence, oh but a stagnation, a straggling grip of desperation
where there aren’t any days drenched with tortured love songs.
But I was getting better at seeing the light. Too late…
Shouldn’t I’ve known this storm was coming?
Since, they say 33 is the year of the crisis, where the unexpected occurs
except no one told me, as I walked into the eye of a hurricane.
Is in those moments when you’re most blinded, you’ll find it possessed, bazodeed, when you’re least aware of what you have. That moment of joy, seeing her standing there waiting, pieces of her blowing in the wind. She smokes another cigarette, checking her cell phone because she’s lonely without you. And when she catches a glimpse of you, all you see is her dimples. And your smile is broad enough that you silently cry a secret joy, because even though you can’t really see, your eyes find each other. You embrace.
Is there such a thing?
Are there moments so sure
that you’re so unaware of?
Find it possessed, bazodeed
with your cataract eyes
incapable of recognizing joy
as she waits there for you
dimpled and broad smiled
lonely for your sauntering suspension?
We embrace, because it’s been that long
since we’ve caught a sighting that spectacular
shooting ephemeral phenomenologies
burning a thousand years away.
Save Yourself Life Jacket
How can I feel thank-ful-ness self preservation, something I should have
while I’ve arrived at survival and you didn’t? learned, been aware of by the time I was teething
How can I move pass the memory especially while I’ve absorbed the ugliness
when we both were gasping for air? breathing out its dead, its shivering debris.
They never say to give up your oxygen mask As a child, you’re never allowed a say
in fact they strongly advise you against it. unless you have a good law guardian:
Before attempting anything I must understand directions
you must first be breathing. and consider how cruel self preservation
But then, once I’ve put my oxygen mask on It is like while one is drowning and
and you’re left stranded for air, I watch you try to speak without a thought, you reach for
I watch you escape into the open, into oblivion slapping for anything afloat, and
I fight and scream for you to stay with me. then grab on,
push, push, push down for air,
To forget, oh to forget, have to, have to
have never touched your open hearth
where luminosity soaks and then soars.
Watch the fire, watch, watch the fire ignite
watch it ablaze and crack, cheat, cheat
cheating my umbra with orange cinders
blue sparks full of auspicious heights
then dies, dies, dies, it does
in languorous pace, unmindful
of the fingertips it singed, hurts me so
to forget, oh to forget.