smoking too much on a promise…
drinking too much on a rhyme
pulsating on broken associations
looping on the first dulled shock
shattered into millions of misdirected dulled messages
aligthing unresolved triggers, ablazed
breathing a familar piece, a place
that touches on knowing too much
smelling the same sentiment
presenting incomplete, repeatedly
seeing the same kaleidoscopic sky
clapping the same kinetic wave
colliding with monstrous visions
I knock myself unconsicous
This has great sounds, each line has its own combinations, it’s almost like a mind wave poem carried on the sound of its words. It would be great to hear you read it. It is wonderful to read out loud, like a proclamation clasical, regal and grand.
Thanks Paul. It does sound good in my head, unfortunately I’ve never been a good reader.
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It is a real mindsurfing poem, waves through each line and you have worked the linebreaks really well so that as the poem builds, in a couple of places you have put a comma just before the linebreak which makes the rhythm carry over and build in intensity and then the ‘clapping’ and ‘colliding’ lines, the sounds and effects of those two words are like the huge wave crashing into you or a mind surfing wipeout. Fantastic poem, Cocoyea.
Thanks again Paul. I like coinage mindsurfing.
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wonderful assonance and dissonance
Thanks Jo.
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mmmmm. Knocking yourself unconscious, yes, am also in touch with that.
xx nicely written and kind of different from some others. thanks.
Hey Cole, I wondered if the last line was too harsh, and then I thought well living is harsh, and to me writing poetry is like living. Thanks for stopping by.
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